S1 Ep 2 Cancer?! That wasn’t in plan
About the Episode
When approaching this episode and, ultimately, the start of this podcast, I knew that people would want to know why I am doing this and what gives me the right to speak on topics like grief. I am you; I am grieving; I am not unique in this. What I have is a story to tell and a way to help others tell theirs, so the podcast is a way to enable that sharing.
Cancer was never a part of our plan. Sure, there was cancer in both of our families, but we always hoped it would never touch us. Unfortunately, it did, and in the end, I lost my husband to cancer in January of 2024. I think anyone who has dealt with a fatal diagnosis or facing severe chronic illness can understand how we felt that day in 2012 when Carlos was diagnosed. For those who’ve lost a loved one suddenly, I understand that the scenario is different, but I can imagine the shock of the news and the scrambling to figure everything out afterward is the same. Perhaps the most significant difference is that chronic illness or cancer-type conditions are not a moment in time but a journey that you do not have a timeline. Then grief inevitably follows once the person you love passes.
I’ve long debated whether it is better to lose someone suddenly or after a long illness, and to this day, I don’t know that there is an answer to that question. I think both are impossible to imagine and when faced with them, we have to get through them as best we can. Carlos had told me that ‘This is unfair, it sucks, but you have to be strong and move forward once I’m gone. Live life and find what will make you happy.’ I asked then, in response, whether he thought I had the strength to do that, and he said, ‘It doesn’t matter whether you do, you have to.’
Know that you are not alone; your grief is unique to you, but you are not the only one going through it. We found that private support groups online helped us greatly, and our Christian faith. We made a choice in 2012 to face the diagnosis in strength together, and that we would face it with courage and kindness to others. In doctor’s offices, chemo rooms, waiting rooms, or online, we told our story openly and encouraged others to share theirs as well.
Now that Carlos is gone, our daughter and I do the same in his honor. We grieve hard, and most days are very lonely and difficult for me, but I am here and determined to focus on living onwards.
What about you? What brought you here and to be in grief? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the episode and understand why you are grieving, and for whom.
The Living Onwards Podcast is available on all major podcast platforms, including Apple, Spotify, and Google Podcasts. Search for "Living Onwards" and hit the subscribe button to stay updated on new episodes. You can always listen to episodes directly on this website. Here we will always have a blog article expanding on the episode’s topic with notes and links to anything I might find interesting about the topic. More importantly, you can comment on the episodes and engage with me and others on this journey. There is also a form on the Contact Us page where you can contact me. If you have a topic to suggest for a future episode or would like to share your grief journey and tell others about your loved one, that form is a great place to start that conversation.
Fun pictures from the last couple days
